An Open Letter To My Grandma

On the 4th of February 2014, my Grandma sadly passed away. She was diagnosed with cancer just 11 months before, and those few short months were the quickest of my life. My Grandma was one of the most important people in my life, and her lack of presence in my life is something I still struggle with every day. Our relationship was truly special. My Grandma would've done absolutely anything for me, and she taught me so many valuable lessons about life. This post is particularly personal for me, and I debated about whether to publish it or not. But my Grandma was a wonderful lady, and my blog is a place where I express a lot about what's happening in my life, so that's why I'm choosing to upload this.

Dear Grandma,

It's been a couple of years now since the last time we were together. I can't believe it's been that long. It feels like only yesterday that I was by your side, holding your hand and wishing that things were different. A lot has happened over the last two years. If only you could see for yourself how much I've changed and grown up. Every day, something new happens that I want to call you up and tell you about. It breaks my heart not being able to do that, but I know that you're watching over me and helping me along the way.

As soon as I turned 17, I started learning to drive! I know that you were so excited for me to start my lessons. It was all thanks to you and Grandad for saving up all that money for me and buying my lessons for my birthday. I can't thank you enough for that! Less than 9 months later I passed my test and was on the road all by myself, if only you could've been here to see me.

I finished high school with pretty good grades and managed to get an unconditional offer for the University of Stirling. I got off to a bit of a rocky start at university, but now that I have changed my degree, I'm so much happier. You'd absolutely love the campus! There's so much wildlife and a beautiful loch that you would have loved to wander around. I've just finished my first year, and whilst it's been quite an eventful few months, I couldn't have done it without you and Grandad. I know that you had been saving for my tuition fees since I was only a baby, but since I don't need to pay for my fees in Scotland, it went towards my rent. In order to repay you, I will make sure that I do my very best and try as hard as I can to hopefully finish university with a first in my degree.

Christmases and birthdays aren't the same without you. I miss your Christmas dinners and the huge chocolate cake that you always used to make me for my birthday. My mum makes Christmas dinner now, and she does an amazing job, but I think we all miss your presence around the table. I wish you'd been here to celebrate my 18th birthday with me. It was a pretty big milestone in my life. We all went for dinner as a family though, Grandad too, and I had a great time. Everyone made it super special for me.

I think that's pretty much everything that I wanted to tell you. I miss you more and more every day, and it breaks my heart that you aren't here to witness all the amazing changes that have been happening in my life recently. Sometimes it hits me that you won't see me graduate or be at my wedding, and you won't get to meet my future children. That always makes me tear up when I think about things like that. My goal in life is just to make you proud, and I really hope that you are. There has been a huge gap in my life since you left. The relationship that you and I had was unlike any other. You were always there for me, and I felt like you truly understood me. You taught me how to be the best that I could be, and I value every moment and memory that we had together.

I love you with all of my heart.
Jade x

No comments